Coin of five

A pure heart when asks for miracle that he deserves, the universe indeed have something planned for it…

As he waddled down the market alley where business couldn't reach its accomplishment unless bargaining takes it toll. Wrapped in raggedy clothes, filth smeared across his face. Beady eyes peeking down his dark jet mop like hairs and broken flip flop stitched together wore his feet. Amidst the choir of market one can’t hear others summoning or a conversation cannot take place without a few glitches. A young boy of ten could only hear the grumbling of his empty stomach and feel his mouth salivating as he spotted delicious food kept decoratively at the stalls.

Being famished and penniless the poor boy could only stand out of the shop and devour the sweetness of gulab jamun (Indian desert) and drool over by imagining the salty sweetness of kachori through the glassy door. The boys of his age enjoying the delicacies inside the shop only made his entrails jump as if something clawed inside him. He saw a man inside the shop paying the shopkeeper by pulling out money from his pocket. So he too enacting shoved his hands inside the pocket and clawed inside hoping something would conjure up. But nothing as he had anticipated.

Disheartened by his desire and saddened by his vulnerability he only walked off the shop kicking the imaginable stone in his path. Hidden within the commuters he made his way through the walking limbs and rolling wheels. His world had dusty road and glimpses of shoes that were old, tattered, sewn, shiny or sometimes he get to  see the action of pick pocketing to which he always wondered how engaging a man could be? That he can’t even notice the theft. That surely enticed him but he barred the thought anyhow.

He never quite gazed higher above those shabby, tin roofed shops where those magnificent tall building's kissed sun. He never even cared to be in one of those. Albeit  those were nothing but just mountains to him which seemed beautiful enough to watch but can't wonder to actually live there.

His eyes were scanning only what he scarce and in desperate need. Those clinking shiny coins, rupee notes  transferring from hand to hand, pocket to pocket. Only if he had that kind a money he would've devour the entire shop of  those exquisite delicacies.

There was that same blind beggar like every day  in his ragged coat and tattered pant that couldn't hide his ankle. silver bushy beard that looked greasy, Old as if turned hundred, years ago. Sitting at his usual place quite and statue like, with a round hat that seemed bitten by rats over the years on the head hiding his eyes.

He was motionless as if counting each coin dropped in his bowl placed before him by their sound.

The clinking was audible to the boy as the coins dropped to that beggars bowl by each passerby.  His feet gained towards the bowl just to peek inside that bowl out of curiosity. Silvery round and glinting in sun were in pile. He could just swoop down and fist out a hand full of coins. That should suffice for a piece of gulab jamun. His stomach grumbled even more as the idea of opportunity conceived his mind. And then for  a fraction of second he heard that last coin bumping off the rim of bowl and landed right in front of his feet. It was a five rupee coin, enough to buy one piece or may be two.

As if  the universe heard roaring his stomach and spared him that opportunity. It wasn't hard for him to blame it on god for that miscalculated aim that didn't end up inside the bowl but landed at his feet. Now there is no theft in picking up the coin off the road.

He looked at the beggar still as rock, only his bushy beard seemed to sway by air. The boy was shivering now, tantalizing his next act. With a blink of an eye he stood facing the other way. Couldn't look at the beggar now, not after what he has done. He felt a stone dropped down his gut, sweating more than before. And a coin of five locked inside his fist.  Even though the beggar was blind the boy felt his eyes boring in his back. Beggar saw him picking up the coin that wasn't his, he thought. He felt terrible. It was a strange and ugly situation for him. His conscience never accused him before of what he was feeling now. He doesn't want that and all he could think of that theft he had committed. Grumbling wasn't audible  to him anymore.  He has to make it right. He spun around and Retrieve those steps and threw back that didn't belonged to him. To his wonderment the coin made an unusual noise as it dropped. It wasn't clanking, more like a pebble that dropped in  water. Whatever it was, That wouldn't help him with his food today. He has to find something for the beast that roared inside him.

Containing a strange amalgamation of pride and hunger the boy walked away in the discovery of food. May be he could wash a few dishes at that fast food stall that might get him a vada pav (Indian burger) or he could go to tea stall to clean off  a few cups. That will earn him a few cookies and a glass of tea. But it was already hot that day and he was starving. So restaurant will offer him good food.
On his way back to his usual restaurant, there in between lies that same shop of Indian delicacies where he stand against the glassy door outside the shop drooling over those sweets and deserts. He never failed to throw a quick glance inside. But this time he didn't just pass by peeking at those luscious gulab jamun, although his feet stopped in the middle of the road in front of the shop. His face had an expression of disbelief when he felt something enclosed in his hand. To his wonderment he had his hands inside the pocket. He may have picked up that habit of rummaging his pocket while gazing the shop over the months. But with no radicalism it went unnoticed each day. But today he felt his fingers wrapped around something metallic. Cars were honking behind him but that didn't waver his astonishment. He was certain of his pocket being empty but now whatever it was that conjured inside his pocket was miracle to him. A gasp of excitement slipped his lips as it glimmered his eyes. Silvery shining in his hand was a coin of five. 

Nightmare

She walked out of her bed, puffy by her sleep. Crossing the hallway she meant to drink water from the kitchen. But to her astonishment. Her mother was already there who seems to peeling off the potatoes. And then it struck her that it was a day. Deep afternoon to her wonderment. Hey mom it’s a day. Why didn’t you wake me up? She pulled out the bottle from the fridge and took a few gulps and replaced the bottle back inside the fridge. Hmm she exhaled. So what’s cooking today? She said noticing the vessel upon the gas fuming. She slid the topping from the vessel to snatch a glimpse. Something fleshy seemed to be boiling. She let the steam cleared a little and took a peek back. There were human hands were scalding to the deep red water peeled off by the skin. She couldn’t voice her horror and jerked back. Now she recognized the ring on those hands. That belonged to her father. Mom! she screamed what is that? What have you done to father. Mom didn’t moved a bit during her horror but on asking she turned tossing her hairs back revealing her face. Eyes red, face pale and seems to lack emotion. But she was abrupt and spoke inhumanly almost as if about six women were speaking at a time. You bitch how dare you to look more beautiful than me, your mother was a whore who slept with my husband and left you on our responsibility. I had to agree to take you in because I was barren and kailash wanted a child. But now I ‘ve had enough of your father and you. Come here you slut. She dragged divyani by hairs and dug the same peeler which she had been using on potatoes. And with a quick pull divyani’s skin rolled like wet paper oozing blood splattering down the floor. And she slashed the peeler across her face which bleed. But mom divyani urged I’ve always thought of you as a mother. Oh you cunning slut she said. It rather was convenient for you wasn’t it? You had no option but to live on our money. She gave another pull by the peeler and skin came out from cheek slacking off the chunk of her beautiful face. “arrrghh” she was grunting to her unimaginable pain. Pain that seared in her like a lava. She could have fainted on seeing her own blood bath but her mother wasn’t done with her yet.
She dragged divyani by her hair across the pale white tiled floor leaving the blood trail behind. Divyani couldn’t do anything as she still couldn’t sink the horror of her own mother. Even though she wasn’t her real mother but she never made divyani felt over the years. And now she couldn’t find strength to oppose her mother. As she had been dragged out of the kitchen to the backyard down the muddy floor now, all she could feel herself to be torn between the perplexed mixture of physical and mental pain and a sense of submission to that savagery.
The multi vocal, gargled like voice spoke again “I would never let you come between us. I will never let you outsmart me as your mother did”. If you think kailash loves you better than me as he did your mother, than you’ve mistaken girl. I will never let you do this. No, not this time…No…No…No, no no…She kept incanting shaking her head sideways. Until she threw divyani in the hole dug in a backyard itself like grave. Divyani was screaming and urging at the same time. But all her pleas were futile and were answered by even the worst of the scenario. She found herself showered upon by snakes, earthworms, scorpions and even leech which were sucking blood out of her thigh, earthworm sliding down her nose and snakes slithering on her body circling her neck and now hissing to her ears. She wanted to unleash herself out of those insects and run out of that hole but somehow she felt the gravity down her stronger to which she couldn’t move and was now sensing to be sucked by the earth. And her mother was shoveling the soil on her burial. As the last remaining of her eye opened to the world lasted. All she saw was the wicked face of her mother and heard the maddening laugh that echoed in her soul.
The breath implode and her eyes awakened to the reality. Exasperated and still heavy in her head. Eyes adjusted to the blurry figure that gather to make her mother. She was worried and seemed to be crying a little on her daughter’s state. What happened beta? Are you okay? Tell me sweet heart was that a bad dream? Her mother enquired.
Divyani still sickened by the horror hunched back from her mother and as she threw her eyes around the room. She spotted her father to which she jumped off the bed and in a moment embraced him. Sobbing and shuddering. Her voice trembling and a few words swallowed as she hiccupped “thank ..od..you okay…Please don’t ever ….eeve me”. What are you saying darling? I am always here beta! Don’t you know? You are the pearl of my eyes. He said.
She calmed a little and smiling to the wickedness of her dream and her immaturity. She looked up to her father. Who had no eyes but the hollow bloody casing that once stored his brown eyes.   

Deception

DECEPTION

Loud music, people chattering could be overheard faintly by Sam who was sitting idly at the bar holding an empty glass. Sam was staring in its depth, until the nearby voice of the bartender jolted him out of his reverie. He looked up to the bartender but all he was able to see was the hazy outline of the bartender.

"Sir, want one more?” asked the man wearing a black vest, bow and a practiced smile on his face.

“Yeah! Make it double,” said Sam. “Hey where’s the washroom by the way?”

“It’s straight in the corner, take the right at the end,” answered the bar tender by stretching out his hand and pointing a finger vaguely through the crowd.

Sam stood up using every ounce of potential left in his body to make his way to the washroom. He staggered through the crowd dancing wildly all around him, shouting and bumping into everyone.

Flickering flashy lights and vibrant colors were making Sam’s expedition more difficult. His legs were no longer in his control but somehow he managed to keep himself from getting battered through the crowd. He squeezed out through the throng by dodging a teenage girl who was almost about to hit him with her elbow and reached the end. He took the right where he found the door with depicting the iconic symbol for the men’s room. He walked up to the door and turned the door knob and let himself in.

As he entered, he found himself inside a large rectangular mirror hung over the wash basin. It was replicating the room exactly. The washroom was spacious with four toilet cubicles at the left and two wash basins with a polished wooden oak surface. There were those fancy flat-looking taps that worked using sensors.

He entered one of the cubicles and stood up by placing his hand against the front wall supportively. He drew the zipper of his pants down and let the urine free from his bladder while he looked up to the ceiling and closed his eyes. He could feel the vibrations of the loud music through the wall on his hand. It sounded like the music was trying to burst out of a closed box.

After he was done, he opened his eyes, pulled his fly shut, turned and walked up to the wash basin and stood there unsteadily. His vision was still hazy and he could only see his blurry attire in the mirror. He bent a little and extended his hands to the tap which caught their presence and instantly let the water flow on his hands. He rubbed his palms against each other and then splashed some water on his face. It helped him clear up his vision slightly.

The man looked up to himself in the mirror and shoved his hand inside his right pocket and started rummaging for something. Just as abruptly he stopped, as if he found what he was looking for. He took a brief pause as if he was contemplating something by gazing at himself in the mirror. Then quite resolutely he withdrew his empty hand from the pocket and turned to leave.

“Hey Sam, where do you think you are going”

Sam’s ears caught the sound and his feet stopped abruptly. He blinked once through his drunken haze and blinked some more. There wasn’t anyone to call from behind.

He peered into his own reflection. There was something strange about his reflection this time, as if it wasn't just a mere image of him; like it wasn't related to him anymore.

The reflection was gesturing according to its own will. Their appearance was similar but the appearance was totally altered.

Sam was exhausted and inebriated. He was wearing a black, tailored suit with a lot of wrinkles. His tie had loosened its grip around his neck and his overall attire was decidedly more crumpled. The reflection on the other hand, was wearing the exact black tailored suit which retained its crispness. Its hair was swept back perfectly an enigmatic smile showed all over its face.

Sam was totally astonished to see the scenario playing out before him and slightly frightened too. He started wondering if it was just a dream or he was under some delusion.

“Sorry didn’t mean to startle you,” spoke up the reflection with a soft smile which was very much like his own.

“What?...Who are you?...What are you?”Sam stuttered.

“Oh is all that alcohol affecting your eyesight? Can’t you see I’m your reflection?” the man inside the mirror replied in an obvious tone.

“Is this some kind of a joke? Stop it, its freaking me out!” Sam faltered.

“Well believe it or not, it’s happening, I am your reflection talking to you.”

“No… No, it can’t be,” Sam shook his head trying to clear it out, wondering if he was going insane.

“Hey who said you are going insane”.

“Well how many people can claim their reflection talks to them!”

“And how would you know for sure that they can’t?” asked the reflection.

“It’s never happened before,” replied Sam confidently.

“But now it is,” said the reflection coolly.

“That’s because I’m drunk!” Sam shrieked this time heatedly.

“You know what Sam, people do things in their unconscious state which they’ve never been able to perform during their consciousness.”

“See it as if you are confronting yourself right now, so don’t… even dare to think that I’m not real! I do exist somewhere inside you, call me an inner voice, your sub conscience, whatever you like.

So it’s totally depends on you whether you want to listen to me or not.”

“What do you want from me?” asked Sam desperately.

“What do I want? What do you want from me?” the Reflection asked Sam instead.

“Excuse me! Why would I want anything from you?”

“Ok! Let’s figure it out, how’s your life going Sam?” asked his reflection by folding its arms and tapping a forefinger over its chin while raising its left eyebrow smartly.

“Pretty good…Yeah very good!!”Sam sputtered.

“Pretty good? Huh!” said the reflection by raising both its eyebrows. Then it made an exaggerated amazed face.

“Well you have been kicked off your job. Your girlfriend who you loved so dearly left you for some another guy.”

Sam’s eyes started welling up but his reflection continued.

“You’ve been doing nothing for four months except hitting every party you get. Drowning yourself in drinks, drugs and your sadness, you barely live consciously, always high; so that you don’t get time to think and realize about your miserable life. And that, my friend, is not “pretty good". It’s a disaster. You need to think of a way out of this mess.”

“Why? Why would I do that? There is nothing out there for me now!” said Sam in grief.

“Yeah! You’ve always been a self-made man, did always good things and lived an extraordinary life. You know what? It’s your girlfriend who never deserved you. Even the colleagues and friends you made turned their back on you and started hating you, Nobody loves you now. They all never understood you or even deserved you.

“You don’t deserve this miserable life,” explained the reflection sympathetically.

“But I have nothing left! Everything I earned in my life is lost. I just want you to leave me alone.”

“No reason left to live life. One day this lifestyle itself will unchain me from these miseries.”

“Why don’t you find a more instant solution?”asked his reflection.

“Because,” he took an unhappy pause and continued, “When there is always a reason to live life then there should be the reason to end it. Although I am not doing it instantly I’m making sure of its inevitability. I don’t deserve this suffering, I deserve better.”

“Do you think you regret this life Sam? Which did you no good” asked the reflection.

Sam glanced down thoughtfully at the question and after a brief pause he answered in a very low tone just above a whisper.

“Yes. I do.”

“Sam what if I give u a chance, an opportunity to start over again. To make things better than before, a complete fresh start.

What if I give u the reason to make it instant in exchange of a hope to get you something better? Something you deserve in your next life.”

“What do you mean?” asked Sam puzzled.

“Your death!” roared his reflection.“What if I suggest you to extinguish yourself right now in exchange of a better life?”

“That’s not possible,” declared Sam.

“Is it? Haven’t you ever heard of reincarnation, a boy claims to be living his life again because his death wasn’t at peace and possessing a birth marks which reminds him of his past life. In 1935 a four year girl child claimed to be living some other woman’s life who died years ago before her birth and she even knew the details of her past life like her name, relatives, cause of her death.”

It paused to let every word sink into Sam and continued.

“Some people born in this life still remember fragments of their former life. What if all of those stories are true? What if even some of them are true? There is a hope for you to get a good life in your next birth; there is a chance, a possibility to get you out of all these miseries and cursed life.

“Don’t you want that Sam?” asked the reflection a little patronizingly for not guessing the obvious.

“You know somewhere in your heart that there is no point to hang on to this life anymore so why not just skip it. At least you would die for a reason.” The man in the mirror finished his statement by leaving Sam disturbed.

Silence fell across the room like when the weather gets clear after a heavy rainfall and all the questions were being answered to. Sam’s questions, for his troubled life.

“Maybe…May be,” Sam began flustering but assured.“You are true, I have the right to go in search of a better life for myself however it comes in account of my this miserable life.

“However I cannot persist to regret my own existence throughout  my life, I need redemption from all my sufferings,” said Sam hesitantly.

“Well this is exactly why I am here; to show you the path of redemption, to enlighten you through your journey. To enter a world where you belong, first you need to get rid of your mortal cage or what you call is your body.”

“How am I going to do that myself?” asked Sam intently.

“You see over there in that corner,” the reflection gestured.

“Those shattered pieces of glass? Pick one of them and slit through your wrist.”

Sam turned to look the pieces which were clustered together. Their edges were shining beneath the fluorescent light, sharp enough to cut through his papery skin.

He turned back to the reflection with fear on his face.

“Isn’t it going to hurt?” asked Sam dreadfully.

“Of course it will, but not more than you will hurt for the rest of your life.

“What? Are you scared now? This is what you want. Just go for it! Grab the piece and change your destiny.     You are ready for it!” announced the Reflection.

Perplexed, Sam looked up at his cheerful reflection and turned on his heel towards the corner. He bent down and picked up the shiniest and sharpest piece from the stack.

He could feel the edge of the sharp glass with its pointy end in his palm wrapped around the glass. He returned to the mirror and stood before it, contemplating over the consequences of the next act. That’s when Sam’s mentor realized the dread gushing under Sam’s skin and how it could make him change his mind at any second.

So he started once again.

“Don’t think about the pain Sam, think about the freedom, and think about the new beginning, life after life. Go complete your circle of life and move on to the next one,” gushed the reflection by showing the secluded path of hope once again.

Sam grabbed the piercing glass flipping within his palm and looked up to the reflection. He started recalling his memories which he wanted to leave behind. Memories that had contaminated his entire existence. Memories for which his soul sought escape from.

Numbness spread through his entire body, his legs caught up in fear and his hands were lifelessly stationary. There was no courage left to move even an inch.

The world around him fell silent, calm, steady. The music beats were no longer audible to him. This was the moment; it was now or never; whether he could just go on living this life and getting beat up by life every single moment or he could just switch on to another.

He heaved a sigh and shot a gaze to his mentor who was deliberately looking at him without a blinking, stiff, steady as rock and then, abruptly a mysterious grin fell over the reflection’s face by creating a wrinkle around his lips. The action was reminiscent of a floating leaf dropped into a dead water creating ripples. There was something sly about its nature, deceitful. The smile looked as if he had earned it.

The glass piece clattered to the floor, breaking into two halves with blood lingering all over it. Blood started dripping down to the floor through Sam’s wrist turning the shiny white floor to red, drop by drop.

Sam fell to his knees hard with a thud, inert, weak and vulnerable.

Blood was draining out of his wrists with an incredible speed and spreading all over the floor. His sleeves were all soaked in blood, shirt in sweat and eyes in tears.

He was gasping heavily, his heart pounded wildly. The loss of blood was creating difficulty to breathe. Split nerves through his slit wrists were loosely hanged to his palm creating strain to his hand, striking pain in his brain every split second.

Yet there he was sitting calmly on his knees staring the reflection, which was stood amusedly in front of him by loosening his tie grip and shoving his hands inside the pocket.

Sam grunted in pain and spoke at last in a low hoarse voice, “Its hurting and…” he gasped, “its unbearable now. Can you do anything to suppress the pain?”

“I am just a reflection of your mind.” The reflection mused. “I can’t do anything other than watch you die in pain. But you can do something.” said reflection.

“What?” asked Sam urgently.

“Well you can pass the pain faster by increasing the rate of your process, just pick the broken glass again and slice up your throat. It will kill you within seconds. So there won’t be any time left for pain to ruin your peace.

“Make it quick and get to the threshold of eternal peace where a new dawn is waiting to discover you out of darkness.

Hurry to catch up the glimpse of a sunrise. It is exquisite.” said reflection inspiringly.

Sam groped the floor with his hand to reach the glass by leaving trails of blood over the floor as if painting the red color over a white canvas with his bare hands. He reached the glass and got a grip around it. He took the pointy thing to his neck and held it to his neck by poking it an inch within his neck. His hands shook violently, his chest puffed out forcefully with heavy breathes. He could feel his lungs running out of oxygen and he took a brief moment by savoring every last bit of oxygen in them.

Then he brutally sliced around his entire throat by shoving the jagged glass in his throat and pulling it around his neck, effectively cutting out every nerve and tissue in his skin. Blood spurted out extremely all over the floor. His entire body spasmed wildly as if it was being electrocuted.

After a few electrified moments his body came to a standstill and stayed on his knees, mouth open. Blood pouring out through his slit throat soaking his shirt in blood and turning it in to red. His eyes all rolled up revealing only the white underneath.

The entire room was static. It was one hell of a sight, a complete blood bath. Sam was sitting on his knees, still as a rock and leaning back in the pool of his own blood. His reflection stood before him staring at him as if savoring every moment of Sam’s death. It watched him finish his own existence.

A victorious grin emerged over reflection’s face. He moved on his heel and walked to his right. Leisurely unbuttoning the top of his shirt and stopped abruptly facing the bare wall.

It shoved its hands inside its pocket and spoke at last in a casual tone.

“You know it was necessary,” he took a brief pause and continued. “You wanted this yourself”.

He turned around and walked back to center with hand still inside its pocket and insisted, “I know you are still in there. Because, hey, I am here.

 “The Brain is a mysterious organ Sam and delicate too. It helps you to make sense all the time, gives you the reason to be logical and rational. Takes you through the learning process by giving you the knowledge to evaluate what is good and bad for you.

          “But,” he took a dramatic pause to emphasize its next words, “Only if it is restrained”.

“You know its human consciousness which puts reins over the brain,” it explained Sam mockingly. It enacted gripping real reins in his fists and shook them little to illustrate his point.

          “To keep it in control. To remain restrained. But the minute you let me inside your head, I broke the rein from your brain which made you susceptible to perform this heinous act. Though your subconscious brain was encouraging you from so many days to make it. But your consciousness was rejecting it all the time due to the thought of a consequences of this act. But the time I came in, I blocked your consciousness and let you follow your thought of killing yourself. Which you had dumped inside you out of fear from so many days.

Sam still with tore neck eyeing his reflection then slowly shoved his hand inside his pocket and withdrew a plastic pouch. Containing last line of cocaine and dropped it over the floor.

He shifts his gaze a bit lower from reflection to oak wooden surface where he had deliberately snort out the entire pouch of coke. He himself was oblivious to the fact that he used out the entire drug. His heart slowed down making efforts through every pump ,tears fell through his eyes filled with sorrows ,grief and regret .

Now he was just waiting  for his heart to stop and accept his death. But it wasn’t that easy either. His reflection began again this time with more excitement, “Yesss..” said the reflection by extending the syllable a little to emphasize and by adding it with the hush tone. That is right, now you are gaining some sense. I am not totally the perception of your brain but also an add up of that lethal drug running in your system.

I know nothing about redemption or reincarnation or..…or life after life ,ha..ha he chuckled and continued. I was just luring you in my trap.. But I guess now you already have figured it out.

You know what? The truth is you didn’t deserve this life and that’s why I took it. Worse things happens to people all the time. Life never shows mercy on anyone ,it treats everyone equally .It punches you right in to the face every time and you know what?its not about how to dodge them but it’s about how much you to take them and move forward with your life.

Arggh…Well I don’t expect you to learn it in your last moments, when you’ve failed to comprehend the simple thing in your entire life.

So I think it's time for me to go now. Need to attend other peoples too. There’s a big demand out there for me Sam. He raised his hand in air to say bye and waved twice then vanished in to thin air by turning himself in to a black smoke.

Sam was no more alive, his body dropped with thud on the floor hitting hard on the face .His body stretched down the floor lay motionless besides the plastic pouch containing drug spread over the floor. His eyes still open shining with tears as if a mural is displaying a story of grief and remorse.